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Abandoned

by Defeater

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1.
Contrition 02:58
Forgive me my Father, for I am a sinner.
2.
Unanswered 02:31
I was a good man once, but years of unanswered prayers have left me faithless, hopeless and abandoned. Years of serving in hell has left me thankless. I let the pain in my head turn the veins in my arms to ash. I feel the burn in my blood and the lungs in my chest collapse. I feel the ache in my guts as the memories and hurt flood back when all I want to feel is nothing. Forgive me my Father, for I am a sinner.
3.
I can’t remember. Each time it slips right through my fingers. The eyes and faces of my brothers that never made it back home to their mothers. All I remember of 1943 December is Sullivan and I behind the line. We gathered the flock to hold a mass with the father and the smoke led the way back to death and flames, my disbelief in what laid before me. Bombed out with no warning, no hope, no hands to hold, no hands to pray for me. And I remember the prayers my mother’s mother taught her. And though I am no believer, I would be dead with my fellow men if not for the preacher. “If I should die before I wake, I pray the lord for my soul to take.” No hands to fold, no hands to pray.
4.
I’ve never heard the voice of god, I’ve found no trace of heaven either. Since I was spared in hell I repay the old chaplain that saved me. I spend my days with the good book, follow every chapter, prayer and verse. I spend my nights with my vices just to find some proof in the words. To try and forget my time in hell, I raise a glass to the saint that saved me. I spend my days with the bottle, lie in every chapter, prayer and verse. My nights spent burying demons to find some weight in the words. Please let me find some weight. Let me down lord, Let me down. I find no proof in the words, no vestige of hope or the lord.
5.
Divination 03:29
I walk in shadows and darkness. I feel the fill of the sand. My words are calloused and poisoned. Easy work, the more idle the hand. Cover my tracks to the pulpit, the back alleys, my arms. My veins are thinning and poisoned. Lying tongues in mouths of snakes, guile charm. Breathe addiction and darkness, I feel the smoke in my lungs. My lips spit venom and poison, all lies except when speaking of love. Cover my ears to the ringing, to the memories and pain. Her voice like the singing of sirens, drown myself among the rocks and the waves. I feel the fill of the sin, my veins, the touch of her hand. I pray to dirt, folded hands. In my hour of darkness, I feel the fill of the sin. The ash, the touch of her hand.
6.
Crows sing, early morning. Just before sunrise. Our night spent with the guilt until morning light. We share a cigarette, burdens and shame. Our lungs heavy in bliss, our arms sore from the weight. I may be a sinner, forsaken and damned, selfish with pride for the touch of her hand. Our lips speak in secrets, our tongues lie in verse. Our hearts slow with the guilt. Our love our only recourse. And I will hold you close with the ebb and flow. Though the tides may turn, we won’t. I will hold you tight like an anchor line through the cruelest seas at night. “Keep me like an old tune, something borrowed and blue. Bury me sound asleep beneath the boards in your room. I love you still and true. So watch me move at your will just like the tides for the moon.”
7.
Pennance 02:38
These unfamiliar streets where I hide my face and name and these secrets that I keep. Every stranger looks the same. The cold New England air rips the will from out my blood. And I replace it with the ache, the ash, the dirt and lack of love. No hands to hold, no hands to pray. My lover left alone, my lover left to grieve and mourn. My sins, my cross to bear, the guilt and vows I broke in turn. Most precious sacrament, I tip the bottle in prayer each night. With one hand to the alter and the other to the wine. The parish pours out from the church, snow is falling quietly. Let it fall, cover my steps into the dark end of the street.
8.
Remorse 03:08
The days since we last spoke turned to weeks, turned to months, turned to years. You were heavy with child with your arms around a stranger in fear. I had the burn in my blood, I had the ash in my veins, had the lies I keep hid between teeth. The boy must never know about me, never know of my face. Between us, hold these secrets we keep. My penance, in your name. Rain taps on the window. Burning red neon sign pushes it’s way through the blinds. Sleep never comes easy. Sinking guts, lacking faith and on the nod every night. Dim glow of the street lights, forgotten tenement for the damned. No cut of the cloth here, just another broken man waiting, praying for death. “Hail Mary, have mercy. I dread the loss of heaven, living in hell. Forgive me my Father, for I am a sinner.”
9.
Nights chasing ghosts, asleep in the pews. Vacant and still, arm in a noose. Pillar of salt, we can never look back. The lies we have led, we are cursed in our past. And we are cursed in our death. A penance paid for in blood. The guilt staining my hands. My lover stolen from me. Thieving Father be damned. No mercy on me. Myself and sins I detest. Devil lying in wait collecting his debts. Communion of saints, of bread, body and wine. Quiet and still, drinking me dry. God left here long ago. Heavy lies a thorned crown. In pride and in spite, no faith to be found. No hope.
10.
Atonement 03:29
I’ve been slipping away. I’ve been losing the days. I’ve been letting my vices drink from me. I’ve been letting the needle bleed from me. I’ve been hoping on death, faith forgotten in theft. Years of heartache and guilt haunting my sleep. No Holy Spirit. No resurrection. No Salvation. I’ve been waiting a lifetime to hear that voice. Speaking quiet and low, carries the weight of the world. I can hear him helpless between words. I’ve been paying a lifelong sin’s penance. Speaking quiet and low, lay down the weight of the world. Find some comfort and solace in the words; “What brings you here my son?”
11.
Grief and failure burn in my veins. Vice and regret coursing through me. Breathe in defeat, feel it aching. Cold black heartbreak, lungs collapsing. Dear departed. Violent hands. Faith forgotten. No redemption. Hard rain falling, coffin timber, committed to earth by the hands of your father. Glory be, bloodline buried. I am no one. I am nothing. Forgive me my Father, for I am a sinner. Unanswered. Abandoned.

credits

released August 28, 2015

DEFEATER is Derek Archambault, Joe Longobardi, Jay Maas, Mike Poulin & Jake Woodruff

“Abandoned” was written and recorded from October 2014 to February 2015
Engineered and mixed by Jay Maas at Getaway Recording Studios www.getawayrecording.com
Mastered by Brad Boatright at Audio Siege
Produced by Defeater
Additional vocals & lyrics on “Borrowed & Blue” courtesy of James Carroll
Additional engineering by Daniel Florez
Photos by Michael Winters [www.michaelwintersphotography.com] & Alyssa Archambault
Art direction by Derek Archambault, Alyssa Archambault & Michael Winters
Design by Jason Link
James Carroll appears courtesy of Stay Close / Rise Records

DEFEATER uses Ernie Ball Strings
Joe Longobardi uses C&C Drums, Greiner & Kilmer Drums, Zildjian Cymbals, Remo Heads & Vic Firth Sticks
Jay Maas uses Black Market Custom Cabs
Mike Poulin uses Orange Amplification & Reverend Guitars
Jake Woodruff uses Reverend Guitars, Fuzzrocious Pedals & Janice Cabs

THANK YOU:

DEREK ARCHAMBAULT - To my wife Alyssa for her continued support and love, our dog Dutch, my parents Gary & Geraldyn, my brother Kevin, my grandparents, the Eygnor & Gross families, Steve Minerva, Gil Hartman, Michael Winters, Stephanie Marlow, Kevin Leary, Tristan Law, Blake Seale, Alyssa Marr, Josh Craggy, Cal Joss, Mike Moschetto, Joey Longobardi, Jay Maas, Mike Poulin, Jake Woodruff, Dan Lajoie, Matt Pike & The Kenmore Agency, Chris Wrenn & the Bridge 9 staff, Chuck Andrews, Mark Vieira, Dan Rose, James Raisbeck, Graham Iain Clews, Marco Welzel, James Carroll, Rob Gonzales, Allen Addison, David Kelling, Ryan Decker, Alex MacWilliam, Sean Rhorer, Joey Wolf, Choir Vandals, Blacklisted, Make Do And Mend, Caspian, Aviator, New Legs

JOE LONGOBARDI - My family, my girl, my friends, Derek, Jay, Mike and Jake, Chuck Andrews, Bridge 9 Records, Epitaph Records, Nike, Jeff and Lindsay at Converse, Alex Merchant, Emily and Sarah and the amazing staff at Zildjian Cymbals, Ben Davies and Vic Firth Drum Sticks, Adam Murphy and Remo Drum Heads, Dave and C&C Drums, Matt Greiner, Greg and Rose Trebandt and RVP Studios, Trash Talk, Caspian, August Burns Red, Twin Oaks, WCAR, Greiner & Kilmer Drums, Hostage Calm RIP, Abby, Niles and Dutch, weed is tight. Thank you.

JAY MAAS - Laura Maas, Niles Maas, Mom, Grandma, Dad, Daniel Florez, Brad Boatright, Ryan and the Ernie Ball team, 12-year-old-Jay for picking up a guitar instead of a football, Light to Medium roast coffee beans, Bourbon in general, the rest of my band for dealing with my past and future neurosis, Cubase not Protools, Kurt Ballou for letting me accidentally emulate his life, sandwich punch, buffalo, other dumb tour games yet to come, Derek for hopefully not editing this list so that I can laugh at it 10 years from now, and all the amazing people who encouraged me to never take the easy road. Here goes nothing.

MIKE POULIN - Mom, Dad, Ben and the rest of my supportive family, Maasman, Jacobi, Deerock and Joey for being on this journey with me and allowing me to be part of theirs, The Scheinost family, The Murdza family, The Soucy family, The Spence Family, Jena Daly, Abby Teti, Dustin Anderson, Chris Hebert, Ken Haas and anyone who has helped me by giving me a couch to sleep on, a job between tours or a ride to the airport.

JAKE WOODRUFF - The Woodruff family, Aisha Burns, Andrew Gary, the Phillips Street family, Dan and Meg Stevens, Phil Jamieson, Dylan Rieck, Adam Crowe, Sarah and Jeff Boucher, Herve Jacquemin, Greg Thomas, Eric Soelzer, Jordan Geiger, Taylor Holenbeck, Nathan Dixie, Thor Harris, Laco, Jason Gonzales, Ivan Torres Torres, James Taylor, Jason Rodricks, Kevin, and everyone else who has helped us on this wild journey. See you soon. Also, many thanks to Ken at Reverend Guitars, Ryan and Shannon at Fuzzrocious Pedals, Ryan and Tim at Ernie Ball, and Daniel at Janice Cabs for making awesome-sounding gear that I mostly can't break.

DEFEATER would like to thank the following: Brett Gurewitz, Felicia Risolo, Jason Link and the rest of the Epitaph Records staff, Stephanie Marlow, Chris Wrenn & everyone at Bridge Nine, Matt Pike & The Kenmore Agency, Chuck Andrews, Mark Vieira, Amy Buck & everyone at Good Fight, Nanouk & Marco at Avocado Booking, Graham at Resist, Justin Louden, Jesse Brust & everyone at 518 / All In Merch, Karl Hensel, Emmett Menke & everyone at Kings Road, Seth Decoteau & Kevin Duquette at Topshelf Records, Sean Rhorer, Joey Cahill & 6131, Andy Reitz, Anthony Rovedo & Green Vans, Jonny Emerick, Patrick, Cesar & the Monster Stage crew, Michael Winters, Dan Rose, James Carrol, David Kelling, Matthew Bradley, Rob Soucy, Ryan Mackfall, Alex Merchant, Michael Rabasco, Kevin Whitey, Scott Lee, Leah Urbano, Moose, Chris Walters, Jade Roser, Kevin Kennaley, Mason Hunt, Ricky Fernandez, Bill Hamilton, Josh Smith & Bowery Boston, Josi Hoffman, Lisa Root & New Noise, Ben Patashnik, Carly Hoskins, Jeff Gardner, John Hein, Matej Dusek, Michael Grey, Corey Stroffolino, Alex MacWilliam, Gus Pesce, The Bondi House, Jake Lang, Ray Harkins, Hayley Connelly, Sean McColgan, MusiCares, a special thanks to Pledge Music & all those who donated to Derek’s surgery, CULTURE ABUSE, MAKE DO AND MEND, CASPIAN, BLACKLISTED, ELDER BROTHER, MILES AWAY, I AM THE AVALANCHE, THE BANNER, RUDE AWAKENING, TOUCHE AMORE, VIOLENT SONS, VINNIE CARUANA, MORE THAN LIFE, AVIATOR, MODERN LIFE IS WAR, THE WONDER YEARS, CREATIVE ADULT, SELF DEFENSE FAMILY, SILVERSTEIN, DREAMTIGERS, VERSE, CAPSIZE, INCENDIARY, CRUEL HAND, LA DISPUTE, TIGERS JAW, PUBLIC DOMAIN, BETTER OFF, ROTTING OUT, PIANOS BECOME THE TEETH, BANE, THE FLATLINERS, COUNTERPARTS, AFTER THE FALL, HOSTAGE CALM, EVERY TIME I DIE, TRUE LOVE, THE ATTENDING, LANDSCAPES, SILVER SNAKES, BEARTOOTH, AUGUST BURNS RED, BREAK EVEN, FOREIGN TONGUES, RAIN DANCE, TOGETHER, TRASH TALK, GOODTIME BOYS [RIP], CARAVELS, HOTEL BOOKS

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